So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
as a side note pls kill me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
