i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
