So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize