You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
