mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
