toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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