my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
