A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize