it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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