were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
