What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
