some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
