You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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