If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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