There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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