vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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