Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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