I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
