I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
