well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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