In the future we'll all be gay
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
