Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
