I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
