i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
