I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
