Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
