I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
