I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
