the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The air was thick with penises
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
