i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
