So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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