my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
