If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
