I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
they're like a gay fantastic four
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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