she smelled like a LAN party
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
