Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My feet surprised me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize