i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
