so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
