apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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