Non-Jews are for practice
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
