Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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