y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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