Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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