Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
