my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
