I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize