wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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