THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
