So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
