i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
