Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
