Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
