I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
