Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
