can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
