i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
