fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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