How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
