Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
