I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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