guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
