i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
