Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just want nice things and good sex
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
