You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Someone came in the potted fern
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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