Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
