I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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