Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
