I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize