we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
that is very illegal...i love you.
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