So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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