Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just found puke in my bra..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
