Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
